Moments Between Music: Road Rage With A Shopping Cart

Apparently I’m not the only person who suffers from Shopping Cart Rage. There’s actually a definition for it in the Urban Dictionary. I’m glad others can relate to my impatience and aggressiveness on a grocery store.

It’s bad enough that I hate crowded places and grocery shopping. The two combined are almost unbearable for me. That’s why I shop early at the ass crack of dawd around 5 to 7 am in the morning or late at night around 11 pm or midnight. Don’t get me wrong, I need food and obviously need to go to the grocery store for it. But I lose my pleasing personality in grocery stores because of other shoppers who can’t seem to keep the pace going through the aisles so the rest of us can get through the traffic in the aisles quicker.

I don’t like to go in a grocery story without my laminated grocery list. (I have OCD tendencies and have an obsession about organized shopping), but it’s the people that jam up the grocery aisles that drive me absolutely bananas! I try to be nice on the outside, but on the inside, in my head, I’m using every exploitive in Tongan and English that I can think of to try and use mental telepathy to get the traffic in the aisles moving…

• Mother with the kids running and jumping everywhere.

Didn’t you give your kids the “Don’t ask for nothing. Don’t touch nothing. Don’t look at nothing. Misbehave and I’ll beat the skin off you” lecture before you came in? Obviously not! My mom always did and we never moved a muscle but to walk. Try it please!

• The man with the cart in the middle of the aisle.

Pick a side, any side! Because my backhand side is all I can think of to make you move.

• The group of people talking in the middle of the aisle with their carts and families standing there too.

Really? You want a townhall meeting in the aisles of the grocery store? I’m in the bread aisle and I am envisioning this bread upside ALL of your heads. HOMEY DON’T PLAY THAT!!! MOVE!!!

• The lady who left her cart on one side of the aisle but you’re shopping off the shelf on the other side of the aisle.

Just take your cart with you! You’ve got to push it to the front of the store anyways. Is taking it two extra feet next to you to much to ask? I dont think so. Get to it so I can get through.

• College Students cart racing in the store

It’s fun, but watch out for the little kiddies please!

• Fellow Shopping Cart Rager

Ugh! Don’t these people annoy you too!?!

• Extreme Couponer in front of me.

Great minds think alike! Are you looking to adopt anyone? Fuck everyone who’s complaining behind us in this line, we’ll keep saving money regardless.

• Granny

You push your cart like you drive your car. Pick up the pace please!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system I can go to the ONE checkout that’s open in the entire store with the line almost out the door. Come on Wal Mart. All these employees lollygagging about! Open up more registers! -_-