My Lyfestyle Through Lyrics
I’m sitting on top of the roof of this apartment building staring at the night sky while playing a guitar. I’m not singing anything specific, although I was just practicing Eidelweiss for Veis. I’m just thinking about life; life in general. I’m thinking about the things I’ve been through: school, my family, my friends, my baby boy, the roller coaster of a life I am still living… and… the people who’ve stepped on my heart to reach for another. Amidst all the thoughts, my college room mate busts out in song to Mariah Carey’s song, Shake It Off. She’s as silly as I am. Yet she knows that when I get quiet and start singing that I’m in deep thought.
Yes, I’m in deep thought about a lot of things, but mainly because of one reason. Early this evening I had a few too many drinks and in my drunken stupor I said something stupid. Out of that stupidity came a realization: someone cares. It may sound like something minute to all of you, but to me it was as loud as Big Ben chiming every hour on the hour.
I was with trustworthy company when I was drinking, but it took that one person to show some inkling of concern to make me realize that I need to sober up if I’m going to leave this place alive and safe. I did just that and now I’m thinking to myself: live a little but live it up safely next time… if there’ll ever be a next time because I don’t drink often… usually just New Year’s Eve (lol).
I’m use to family being concerned about me, but not so much anyone else outside my circle of trust because my heart has hardened to anyone and everyone else. I have learned to shake it off and move forward pretty easily. It’s not the easiest of things to do but I’ve learned to cope. The only problem is that I feel like I’ve become desensitized to some forms of consideration… such as, think before you speak. When I’m drinking, it’s ten times worst. Crap flies out my mouth and I never think about what I say.
So this post goes out to the person that showed the inkling of concern even after I said something stupid. Lesson learned. I’m done. Thank you.
Until the next post,